The first recipe is an olive appetizer in case you did not guess.
But wait, you ask,what sort of cooking is involved with olives? None! Sweet huh?
We will need only one the tool I introduced: the refrigerator.
What else do we need?
4 or 5 types of olives, 2 ounces of each per person. That will be a generous portion, expect leftovers.
Small bowls plus a bowl to deposit pits or an "off" olive.
Cocktail napkins.
Small plate for each of you. (optional)
Shot glass or similar for toothpicks. Yes, they make olive forks, but please...single tasker.
The first thing about olives is.. they have pits. Even the "pitted" olives you will be most interested in might still have unpitted olives or fragments of pits. Warn your guests, and provide a bowl for the occasional pit if it must be disposed of during the appetizer course.
Now, you can serve olives with pits if you like, but a pit is not a gracious thing to get rid of, so know your guest before you offer them as more than one or two options in a collection.
Generally speaking, uncured olives are green, red, or brown. They can be yellow and even a pasty white in some cases. They will be less salty and more fruity to taste and very firm to the bite and more likely to have pits.
"Fresh" is a relative term here, all olives are cured to make them edible. But how far they are cured is the determining factor. Here are some examples that are available from Amazon, just as a reference point.
Castelvetrano. Bright Green and very fruity
Kalamata These also come cured, and are salty and slightly bitter, a good offset to the Castelvetrano
Gaeta Small brownish olives, fairly neutral in taste, a good balance between the two above
Cured olives will be briny or oily and will have a much more complex flavor. Most will have been pitted because the olive itself is softened and less firm so the pit is easily removed.
Kalamata Cured they are much sweeter and mild, but retain the briny bite
Most of the above are in absolutely ridiculous amounts from Amazon. A total of 3 or 4 ounces total is enough for a person and a selection of 3 or 4 different ones at 2 or 3 ounces each is perfect for two people. Enough to let someone decide that "this" one is their favorite and hog them.
Stay away from canned ones, and I prefer an olive bar over jarred olives. Jarred olives or ones in vacu-packs are good, but force you to buy in larger amounts.
Fortunately olive bars can be found at a good deli, as well as mainstream places like Trader Joe's, Henry's and Whole Foods, and at full service Supermarkets like Safeway or Von's. They are much more likely to be pitted or stuffed than whole. Often they are one price for any of the offered olives, so you can mix and match a few ounces of each instead buying a whole jar of them. Don't mix fresh with heavily cured, and beware of marinades making all the olives taste the same.
Added bonus: you can try before you buy! Look for provided toothpicks or ask for a taste.
Most places will have mixes or "salads" of olives that include peppers or onions, or even cheeses like feta or mozzarella mixed in. These are fine to replace one or two of the other options in a 4 or 5 olive group, but it should not be the only option. Looks like you are cheating and did not put any effort into it. Guess what? You did cheat and put no effort into it. She will notice.
Some places will have stuffed olives. This is not a bad idea, especially as they are by definition pitted. But I recommend staying away from the more aggressive combinations, like jalapeno or blue cheese stuffed. The overpowering nature of the stuffing obliterates the taste of the olive and it becomes a delivery package for the stuffing. Almond stuffed is an awesome combination of flavor and crunchy texture, especially if they are stuffed with Marcona almonds!
If you are fortunate enough to have ethnic food markets in your area, Mediterranean and even Russian or Arabic ones will often have a dizzying array of olives at very reasonable prices compared to Whole Foods. You need to be aware of what you are buying if you venture there, so consider it an advanced course in olive buying. Getting surprised by a sardine soaked olive because you can't read Greek is no fun.
If for whatever reason the selection of olives is sparse, or not to your liking, or this is the second time and you want to mix it up, replace an olive choice or two with one of the following:
Grapes. Big crunchy ones, they will clean the palate between olives.
Pears or apples, sliced. Make sure they are ripe and crisply flavored.
Dried fruit: Dried apricots, figs, or dates are an excellent choice.
Almonds or other large nuts: Go light on the salting, they will give a nice texture balance.
Crackers: Not Saltines! Life is too short for bad crackers. Find ones that are handmade or at least don't look like they came from a box. Cracked pepper is a good choice, as is a rosemary or some similar herbs. Just plain old salted is fine too.
A martini or other dry cocktail would do well if she likes that sort of thing. (point in her favor if she does!)
A crisp light ale like a Pilsner, Peroni or even Stella Artois could be served. Not my favorite choice, but not a bad one.
Or just some sparkling water, like San Pellegrino or a light sparkling fruit juice made by the same company will go nicely. They make a whole line of lightly flavored citrus drinks. They are in cans, so keep a few on hand as an option to an adult beverage.
I have been talking "what", now let me cover why. First, there is little or no prep here. Get a few bowls, fill them with olives and open a bottle of wine. Done. Keep your powder dry for the main course.
Second, this is a really good barometer of her adventurousness with food. Does she dive right in with fingers? Does she go for the toothpicks? Does she ask where are the little black ones from a can that go on the ends of her fingers?
If she asks that last one totally sober, dump everything in the garbage and get that girl to the Justice of the Peace right now, you hit the jackpot!
Nothing is a better indicator of happiness and a good self image than a little silliness. 18 years together, 15 married and my "she's the one" is still silly at the best moments... trust me on this one.
Which does not mean any of the other things is bad at all. If she keeps to the toothpicks you know she is not going to be a problem taking home to Mom, she is minding her Ps and Qs.
If she uses her fingers, no worries there, she is not a fussy one and that goes a long way.
If she starts with toothpicks and moves to fingers, great! You have someone that is flexible and adapts.
If she then moves to feeding you olives, or asking to be fed... even better. Saddle up cowboy, you are in for a ride!
If she is polite and tries a few but shows no further interest... that's fine, maybe she is a little nervous and the olives don't agree with her stomach. Or maybe she does not like olives, so what? She tried them and that is what counts.
Later, after the meal, ask. Even better, have a backup like a simple dip with bread or a cheese plate and see if that goes over better. I will cover those later.
If she refuses to even try them because she "knows she won't like them"... well, cut your losses mate, you rolled snake eyes. Be nice, be a gentleman through the meal, and say goodnight. You are the host, you must remain gracious, don't pressure her and for everyone's sake, don't look offended!
Girl's talk, and her reporting that you did not click or no chemistry is no big deal. Worse case scenario you might get a reputation for being a cook and a foodie and the next potential "she" might come looking for you!
Word spreading you were a jerk even though you were a good cook will only end up with Gordon Ramsey asking you out on date.
*shudder*
Nobody wants that, eh?
But wait, you ask,what sort of cooking is involved with olives? None! Sweet huh?
We will need only one the tool I introduced: the refrigerator.
What else do we need?
4 or 5 types of olives, 2 ounces of each per person. That will be a generous portion, expect leftovers.
Small bowls plus a bowl to deposit pits or an "off" olive.
Cocktail napkins.
Small plate for each of you. (optional)
Shot glass or similar for toothpicks. Yes, they make olive forks, but please...single tasker.
Life is the Pits
The first thing about olives is.. they have pits. Even the "pitted" olives you will be most interested in might still have unpitted olives or fragments of pits. Warn your guests, and provide a bowl for the occasional pit if it must be disposed of during the appetizer course.
Now, you can serve olives with pits if you like, but a pit is not a gracious thing to get rid of, so know your guest before you offer them as more than one or two options in a collection.
Fresh vrs Cured
Generally speaking, uncured olives are green, red, or brown. They can be yellow and even a pasty white in some cases. They will be less salty and more fruity to taste and very firm to the bite and more likely to have pits.
"Fresh" is a relative term here, all olives are cured to make them edible. But how far they are cured is the determining factor. Here are some examples that are available from Amazon, just as a reference point.
Fresh:
Castelvetrano. Bright Green and very fruity
Kalamata These also come cured, and are salty and slightly bitter, a good offset to the Castelvetrano
Gaeta Small brownish olives, fairly neutral in taste, a good balance between the two above
Cured olives will be briny or oily and will have a much more complex flavor. Most will have been pitted because the olive itself is softened and less firm so the pit is easily removed.
Cured:
Black olives Generic black olives. They are probably pretty good,Kalamata Cured they are much sweeter and mild, but retain the briny bite
Most of the above are in absolutely ridiculous amounts from Amazon. A total of 3 or 4 ounces total is enough for a person and a selection of 3 or 4 different ones at 2 or 3 ounces each is perfect for two people. Enough to let someone decide that "this" one is their favorite and hog them.
Stay away from canned ones, and I prefer an olive bar over jarred olives. Jarred olives or ones in vacu-packs are good, but force you to buy in larger amounts.
Fortunately olive bars can be found at a good deli, as well as mainstream places like Trader Joe's, Henry's and Whole Foods, and at full service Supermarkets like Safeway or Von's. They are much more likely to be pitted or stuffed than whole. Often they are one price for any of the offered olives, so you can mix and match a few ounces of each instead buying a whole jar of them. Don't mix fresh with heavily cured, and beware of marinades making all the olives taste the same.
Added bonus: you can try before you buy! Look for provided toothpicks or ask for a taste.
Most places will have mixes or "salads" of olives that include peppers or onions, or even cheeses like feta or mozzarella mixed in. These are fine to replace one or two of the other options in a 4 or 5 olive group, but it should not be the only option. Looks like you are cheating and did not put any effort into it. Guess what? You did cheat and put no effort into it. She will notice.
Some places will have stuffed olives. This is not a bad idea, especially as they are by definition pitted. But I recommend staying away from the more aggressive combinations, like jalapeno or blue cheese stuffed. The overpowering nature of the stuffing obliterates the taste of the olive and it becomes a delivery package for the stuffing. Almond stuffed is an awesome combination of flavor and crunchy texture, especially if they are stuffed with Marcona almonds!
If you are fortunate enough to have ethnic food markets in your area, Mediterranean and even Russian or Arabic ones will often have a dizzying array of olives at very reasonable prices compared to Whole Foods. You need to be aware of what you are buying if you venture there, so consider it an advanced course in olive buying. Getting surprised by a sardine soaked olive because you can't read Greek is no fun.
Options
If for whatever reason the selection of olives is sparse, or not to your liking, or this is the second time and you want to mix it up, replace an olive choice or two with one of the following:
Grapes. Big crunchy ones, they will clean the palate between olives.
Pears or apples, sliced. Make sure they are ripe and crisply flavored.
Dried fruit: Dried apricots, figs, or dates are an excellent choice.
Almonds or other large nuts: Go light on the salting, they will give a nice texture balance.
Crackers: Not Saltines! Life is too short for bad crackers. Find ones that are handmade or at least don't look like they came from a box. Cracked pepper is a good choice, as is a rosemary or some similar herbs. Just plain old salted is fine too.
Drinks
Any good wine will do. A bright Pinot Grigio or a good Chianti is in order.A martini or other dry cocktail would do well if she likes that sort of thing. (point in her favor if she does!)
A crisp light ale like a Pilsner, Peroni or even Stella Artois could be served. Not my favorite choice, but not a bad one.
Or just some sparkling water, like San Pellegrino or a light sparkling fruit juice made by the same company will go nicely. They make a whole line of lightly flavored citrus drinks. They are in cans, so keep a few on hand as an option to an adult beverage.
Entertainment Value
I have been talking "what", now let me cover why. First, there is little or no prep here. Get a few bowls, fill them with olives and open a bottle of wine. Done. Keep your powder dry for the main course.
Second, this is a really good barometer of her adventurousness with food. Does she dive right in with fingers? Does she go for the toothpicks? Does she ask where are the little black ones from a can that go on the ends of her fingers?
If she asks that last one totally sober, dump everything in the garbage and get that girl to the Justice of the Peace right now, you hit the jackpot!
Nothing is a better indicator of happiness and a good self image than a little silliness. 18 years together, 15 married and my "she's the one" is still silly at the best moments... trust me on this one.
Which does not mean any of the other things is bad at all. If she keeps to the toothpicks you know she is not going to be a problem taking home to Mom, she is minding her Ps and Qs.
If she uses her fingers, no worries there, she is not a fussy one and that goes a long way.
If she starts with toothpicks and moves to fingers, great! You have someone that is flexible and adapts.
If she then moves to feeding you olives, or asking to be fed... even better. Saddle up cowboy, you are in for a ride!
If she is polite and tries a few but shows no further interest... that's fine, maybe she is a little nervous and the olives don't agree with her stomach. Or maybe she does not like olives, so what? She tried them and that is what counts.
Later, after the meal, ask. Even better, have a backup like a simple dip with bread or a cheese plate and see if that goes over better. I will cover those later.
If she refuses to even try them because she "knows she won't like them"... well, cut your losses mate, you rolled snake eyes. Be nice, be a gentleman through the meal, and say goodnight. You are the host, you must remain gracious, don't pressure her and for everyone's sake, don't look offended!
Girl's talk, and her reporting that you did not click or no chemistry is no big deal. Worse case scenario you might get a reputation for being a cook and a foodie and the next potential "she" might come looking for you!
Word spreading you were a jerk even though you were a good cook will only end up with Gordon Ramsey asking you out on date.
*shudder*
Nobody wants that, eh?
No comments:
Post a Comment